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On Top of Jesus’ To-Do List

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)

In my life, I do not doubt that I have sinned, made mistakes, or hurt others. And though there have been moments when I knew that I was doing wrong—perhaps cutting in front of others at the train station or not going out of my way to help a beggar—most of the time, I didn’t know that I was wrong. Or perhaps I had grown so used to seeing others commit the same sins that I had conditioned myself into thinking that it was no longer wrong.

Whenever I’d forget to text my parents that I’d be coming home late, I didn’t intentionally want to worry them. When I couldn’t control my temper, I thought I was just using my right to self-expression. When I skipped doing house chores, I just wanted to rest but did not realize at the time that it would cause my mother some hardship. Sometimes, I still get confused between right and wrong, or just okay and better.

For all my sins, for all my wrongs, I am truly sorry. And I praise and thank Jesus for washing me of them. When he was nailed to the cross, the first thing he asked from God was forgiveness—not for his own sins, for he had none—but for the sins of those who had wronged Him; for my sins; for our sins. His first words at the cross remind me that, more than just granting wishes or healing our illnesses, Christ first came down to earth and died for the forgiveness of Man.

The essay above is the writer’s personal reflection on the first of Christ’s Seven Last Words.

Photo by Momon Ramos taken from Lovecloud.

- Thoughts on the extremely rare day that I cut lines and the woman behind me starts making snide comments.  The truth is, I had no right to be annoyed at her immature, high-schoolish attitude—I was in the wrong.  I knew God sent her to me immediately to remind me of this truth.  So here’s to never cutting lines again. Ever!

Table for One

INT. DAY.

A petite Filipino female in her late teens or early 20’s enters a Japanese restaurant.  She has wavy, shoulder-length, black hair, tan skin, and oriental eyes.  The hostess greets her and sets her at a table for two by the window.  The Filipino female looks at the menu briefly, orders a bowl of ramen, then proceeds to bring out her journal, in which she scribbles furiously for five minutes or so.  When her ramen arrives, she utters a silent prayer, and begins to eat at a leisurely pace, occasionally putting down her chopsticks and soup spoon to add a line or two to the open page on the table.

This is me.  Not a lot of people would eat at a restaurant on their own, but I actually find solace in so doing.  Ditto with movies at the cinema—even if it does tend to get cold without anyone sitting beside me.  I find equal pleasure in the company of my dear friends as I do in the company of my own thoughts.  And if I could afford it, I’d be living in my own apartment rather than my parent’s house at this very moment.  I’m 24 years old and I have had “no boyfriend since birth”.  And I’m pretty happy too.

There’s this urban legend that leads people to believe that single individuals live lonely existences, but I find that life has been far from sad or mundane.  Yes, there are moments of despair, moments when you just need someone to sit beside you and in their silent support remind you that you are loved.  But that’s what friends and family are for.  Sometimes, even a classmate or co-worker or complete stranger will do the trick (without them knowing it).  And every single time, no matter where you are or what situation you’re in, whispering, “Dear Lord…” to the air has a magic of its own that puts the most weary soul at ease.  Then you realize that, single or not, you’re never alone.

When you’re single, you learn to stand on your own.  You learn to take care of yourself and of the people you love.  You also learn to ride public transport while balancing your luggage.  And if you’re a single female, then you might as well learn a few self-defense tricks as well.  But when you’re single, you also learn that, sometimes, you also need to ask for help.  You also need to go on “dates” or have serious, “Let’s talk” moments.  You still need to learn to manage your time, and you still need to figure out and stand by your priorities.  Though I’ve never been in an official romantic relationship, I have deduced that the character traits one needs when he/she is single are traits which couples shouldn’t do without either!

I love being single.  I’m a closet romantic and would love to get married and have a wonderfully imperfect family one day—on the right day.  When I’m ready, and when the person God wants me to be with is also ready.  I’m not “waiting”; I’m just living my life every day in the way I can.  My theory (which was reinforced by my favorite children’s book, “The Missing Piece Meets the Big O”) is that preparing myself for eternal life is also the best way to enable myself for married life.  And if the latter never comes, well, we all know the former is undoubtedly the best future there is.  So I’ll just sit here at my table.  There’s space across me, but it’s cozy enough for one.

“With gracious uncertainty, we can be confident in our expectations, knowing our hope in the Lord will not disappoint.” (Romans 5:5)

Photo by Samantha Tio taken from The Asian Photography Blog.

See original post here.

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PS - if you wanna help make sure that those affected by Typhoon Sendong have more reasons and means to celebrate Christmas, please please do help out in cash or kind.  You can bring your donations to the ADMU Grade School lobby, or any LBC or 7eleven branch nationwide! You can also donate cash directly through the Philippine Red Cross website or through bank transfer.  It’s sooo easy to help! :D Lezzgoooo!!!  MERRY CHRISTMAS!

PPS - and no, i’m not campaigning for Dick Gordon again (not just yet, anyway. sa 2013 pa po!)

- The Adventures of Tintin

shake it

- Teaching of songs at Metrocon 2011

YFC West C now rocking the stage with their Band Competitors! #likeJESUS

- Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

Bipolar

You ever get to a point in your life when you feel like you have nothing to live for?  You’re not terribly troubled, no.  But you’ve lost passion for life, and the things you once enjoyed now hold no happiness for you.

This might be one of my greatest fears.  To wake up and neither dread nor look forward to anything that would happen that day.  To wake up and just go through the motions.  To have everything yet dream of nothing.  To be a zombie.

So what do you do when you’ve deluded yourself into thinking that life has lost its meaning?  Do you give up in the way you know how?  Numb yourself with an overdose of material riches—gadgets, shoes, cars, stuffed toys even?  Pretend like everything’s just peachy?  Take it out on the people around you?  End your life and, with it, the disappointment and misery?

I’ve been to points in my life when I’ve felt tired and frustrated and just about questioned the meaning of life itself.  But each time, I make the decision to stay and find out.

*still in UDD mode

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The Discomfort Zone

I am quite a loud person.  Some like to call it as being an extrovert (note: euphemism).  But what’s funny is that, in spite of all the 8,000++ words i utter everyday, there is still much left unsaid.  My HS teacher’s incessant references to empty cans come into mind, btw.

For example, not a lot of people are aware that i have been part of my local parish choir for about 6 years (on and off) now, probably because i’m afraid of being asked to demonstrate my mediocre vocal skills.  See, i’m used to being an accessory to the chorale, a back-up.  There are only a handful of members and they all have incredible voices, and i never felt that there was even a need for me there or for me to train harder.  But recently, there have been an increasing number of times when our soprano couldn’t sing at church because her work required her to be elsewhere during Sundays at 4:30 pm.  Hence, i had no option but to try to step my game up.  I know that people don’t go to church to hear the choir, but i still get the jitters every time i have to sing, especially during moments when i have to do it solo. Talk about discomfort!

A month ago, i transferred to a new department at work and, though i was really excited because i knew i’d be making a greater difference here than in my last post, i still had my apprehensions.  I would be coming from a job that was lax most of the time, to one that required me to take the lead at some points, to constantly be at my best, to learn and master so many things that would be new to me.

Then last weekend, i had to go up the stage and present the YFC website to youth leaders from all over the world.  I wasn’t totally prepared, and neither was the site.  I had a last-minute wardrobe malfunction (which was thankfully resolved), and i hadn’t spoken in front of that many people since 2009!  

Yesterday, i had to tell a good friend something that could potentially be hurtful, and there was no escaping that.

I dislike the spotlight; I have the worst stage fright ever (which is weird, considering i want to act). 

I dislike not knowing what to do or what’s gonna happen; I’m a know-it-all and a control freak.

I dislike confrontations; I never wish to cause anyone pain or suffering.

But the last months have seen me literally entering my discomfort zone and practically never leaving it.  I was constantly required to do things that i wasn’t used to but that i knew were important.  These resulted in a million bathroom breaks, sweaty palms, and a thousand heartbeats per minute.  But aside from all those physical symptoms, these also led the way for me to accomplish things that i’ve always wanted and needed to accomplish.  Yes, i want to be better.  Yes, i want to conquer my stage fright and learn to communicate His word in the best way possible.  No, i still don’t want to hurt others, but i do want to be truthful.

God takes us to our discomfort zones, not to give us mild heart attacks, but to make us better than we are.  He never does anything without purpose, and most definitely never lets us encounter challenges without reason.  He brings us into difficult situations so that we may not only deal with them, but conquer them.  And not only will these situations spur us to greater heights, but they will also keep us holding firmly on to Him.

We ARE meant for greatness, and nothing less.

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